Anxiety is one of the most common and one of the worst mental health disorders. Millions of people have anxiety and continue to be tormented by it.

Anxiety really manipulates and takes over people’s lives. It makes people avoid all the situations that scare them and it holds them back. Many people are stuck relying on medications as their only defense mechanism against their anxiety. Some people go as far as to hide away in their homes, because they’re scared of anything triggering their anxiety.

Anybody with anxiety knows how traumatizing and horrifying it is. They know how strong and uncontrollable and overpowering it is. They can’t just “get over it” or “snap out of it”. Anxiety takes a long time and a huge amount of effort to overcome.

There are various different types of anxieties, and I usually take a slightly different approach to each one. But for the purpose of this article I’ll try to give a general process to start fighting any kind of anxiety.

In order to overcome anxiety you first have to understand how your anxiety sustains itself. If you want to overcome and eliminate anxiety then you have to understand how it keeps itself alive inside of you. It’s almost as if you are becoming aware of how your anxiety “feeds” itself, so you can start to take away its food and essentially “starve” your anxiety.

As I’ve discovered, anxiety sustains itself in 2 main ways:

1. It makes you react in fear to various triggers, situations, circumstances, concerns, experiences and problems in your life.
2. It makes you tormented, traumatized, and tortured by the symptoms of the anxiety itself, feeling victimized by them and wanting them to stop. In other words, resisting them.

Therefore, my process for fighting anxiety is based on taking away those 2 things. It starts with brainstorming everything I can about the particular anxiety. Then I narrow down on all that information and decipher the root cause of that anxiety. Then I change the way I respond to the root cause so my anxiety doesn’t get a chance to react. Lastly, I focus on letting go of resistance to the anxiety, in order to weaken it and eventually eliminate it.

Background Brainstorm

I typically start the process by giving myself some background. This is where you just brainstorm everything you can recall about your anxiety. Grab a pencil and some paper and literally describe anything and everything you can think of about your anxiety.

If you can, try to recall the origin of it. When did this anxiety first manifest itself in your life and how did it start? If you can answer this question, that should really help you understand this anxiety.

Describe how it continued to manifest itself over the course of your life. How has it continued to grow and develop and get worse? It’s always beneficial to perform a detailed retrospection outlining how a certain mental health problem has developed over the course of your life.

Identify everything that affects your anxiety. What triggers it? What circumstances make it worse? What circumstances make it better or easier on you? Make a detailed list of everything that influences and affects your anxiety.

Describe how your anxiety manipulates you and influences your behavior. How does your anxiety manifests itself through you? How does it make you react through your thoughts, feelings, and actions? What kind of effects does it have on your body when you’re really nervous? How does it influence your behavior and decisions?

Just by answering these questions you should start “separating” yourself from your anxiety a little bit. By becoming more aware of it and how it works, it won’t be able to continue acting on a subconscious level. That should help make it loosen its hold on you a bit. The more information that you uncover the less control your anxiety will have over you.

Narrowing it Down

This is where you start to put the puzzle pieces together and get clear on what this anxiety is really about. You basically want to know why this anxiety is even there and what it is trying to do. In other words, you are trying to find out the root cause or the true meaning of this anxiety.

Your anxiety is obviously trying to make you afraid of something. The question is “what?” Therefore, the main question you want to ask yourself is: “what exactly are you afraid of?” or “what is this anxiety really trying to make me afraid of?”

Really narrow it down and be as specific as possible. For example, if you’re scared of heights, what you’re really afraid of is falling. If you’re scared to ask someone out on a date, what you’re really afraid of is getting rejected.

Some anxieties may not be so obvious to decipher, such as public speaking anxiety for example. Therefore, you’ll have to spend some time figuring out it’s true meaning. Some of the information that you uncovered in your background brainstorm should help you to with this.

Recalling the origin of your anxiety should help you answer this question. If you can remember how your anxiety started in the first place that can really help you understand it’s root cause. For example, if you’re intimidated by people with a temper, that can trace back to being bullied as a child. Perhaps as a kid you were scared of getting beaten up by a school bully. Now that same “fear” still remains within you and gets triggered by people of a similar nature, such as a bullying boss at work.

Identifying the triggers of your anxiety can help you with this. Knowing the circumstances that influence your anxiety should help you understand what you’re actually afraid of. You just have to ask yourself “why?” For example, if you have social anxiety, there are probably all kinds of social situations that make you nervous. If you can ask yourself why you’re afraid of each of those situations, that can narrow down on the true meaning of your anxiety.

Observing your thoughts should help you decipher the meaning of your anxiety. Your thoughts typically tell you what your feelings are all about. If you have anxiety there are usually certain worrisome thoughts that trigger your nervousness. Pay attention to these thoughts and that should help you understand what you are actually afraid of.

Keep in mind there might be more than one answer to this question. There might be multiple scenarios or outcomes that could be worrying you. Your anxiety could be trying to make you afraid of a bunch of different things. If this is the case, make a detailed list of everything you’re worried about or afraid of.

Very often you’ll find that your anxieties simply trace back to other mental health issues that you may have. For example, if you have a problem with social anxiety, that’s probably because you care too much about what people think because you have low self-esteem. If you have financial anxiety, then perhaps you have a strong emotional attachment to money. If that is the case then I would suggest you take the time to work on those other mental problems first. That will then set you up to work on the anxieties after.

Once you become crystal-clear on the root cause of your anxiety, the next step is to “change the way you respond” to it.

Changing your Response

Once you’ve became aware of the root cause of your anxiety, you have to change the way you respond to it. You have to decide how you are going to “respond” to whatever circumstance that you’re afraid of. That way you can avoid reacting to it with fear, stress, nervousness, anxiety, etc. The 3 main methods that I use are Un-justifying the Fear, Taking Responsibility, and Accepting the Futile.

Un-justifying the Fear

The first and probably the most commonly used method is to just un-justify the fear. This is where you conclude that your anxiety is completely unnecessary. It isn’t serving a real purpose and you don’t need it whatsoever.

A lot of these common fears and phobias are not even a real danger or threat to your life. There are all these anxieties from social situations, such as peer-pressure in school, dating, job-hunting, and of course public speaking. There are also various phobias of insects and rodents and other small animals. These things might frighten and even terrify us, but we’ve got to remind ourselves that they aren’t a dangerous threat to our life.

A lot of times your anxiety just takes little things that you’re worried about and amplifies the fear, to make it feel like a dangerous threat. Your anxiety basically highlights certain unfavorable outcomes in your life that you “don’t want“, and makes you afraid of them. For example:

• You obviously don’t want to fail a test or exam.
• You don’t want to be late for class or work on any given day.
• You don’t want to get rejected by a date.
• You don’t want to upset or anger your boss.
• You don’t want to make a fool of yourself in a presentation or speech.

But you have to remind yourself that none of these things are a real dangerous threat to your life. There should be a difference between what you’re afraid of, and what you just don’t want.

Taking Responsibility

If it really is something serious or important or even dangerous that you’re afraid of, then the method I use here is Taking Responsibility. This is where we do everything we can to “handle” the particular problem that we’re facing. It’s where we execute caution and control and care, in order to prevent bad things from happening.

If you’re stressed about your exams in school, then study hard for them. If you’re nervous about a job interview, then do your best to prepare for it. If you’re concerned about your health, then try to improve your lifestyle or go see a doctor. The idea is that as long as you’re doing everything you can to “handle” your problems, then the anxiety is serving no purpose.

If it’s something dangerous that you’re afraid of, then you might argue that we need fear to keep us out of danger. In the wild, animals rely on fear to put them in a position to run or fight for their life when they’re attacked by a predator. The way I see it, fear comes in handy if it puts us in a position to “move quickly” in order to help someone in need or save someone’s life. Other than that, I think we can just use common sense and develop certain skills to “mitigate the danger.”

If you’re afraid of something dangerous, such as deep water, driving on the highway, or operating heavy machinery, then you need to develop certain skills and gain confidence in them. Learn to swim, practice driving, or practice operating machinery until you got it mastered. You need to become confident in your ability to “mitigate that danger” in order to protect yourself and everyone around you. Once you have that confidence, then you won’t need the anxiety.

Accepting the Futile

Your anxiety could be being triggered by unfortunate circumstances that are beyond your control. You could be concerned about the security of your job at work and worried about getting laid off. If you’re a student you could be worried about the difficulty of an exam you have to write. These types of scenarios you can try to prepare for, but they are mostly beyond your control and your anxiety serves no purpose.

Your anxiety could be trying to make you afraid of something that’s just unavoidable. For example, you could be nervous about a doctor’s appointment because you’re scared to face the truth about your health conditions. Avoiding the appointment isn’t going to change your health conditions, whatever they are. You’d be better off attending the appointment and receiving any bad news so you can do something about it. Your anxiety is serving no purpose here.

Basically, the whole purpose of Changing Your Response is to come up with a “counter” to whatever it is that you’re afraid of. It’s just a brief explanation of why you don’t need to be afraid of whatever problem you’re facing. If there are multiple scenarios or outcomes that you’re worried about, then you need to come up with a separate counter for each one.

You can even combine the use of the 3 methods if you think they apply. For example, you could be nervous about a job interview coming up. That implies you have social anxiety, which you need to recognize is an unnecessary fear that you don’t need (Un-justifying the Fear). Then you should do your best to prepare for the interview to boost your confidence and better your chances (Taking Responsibility). Then you have to accept that you might not get the job because that is ultimately beyond your control (Accepting the Futile).

You’ll soon see that there’s very little that you really need your anxiety for at all. Your anxiety was simply manipulating you like a puppet, making you react to various things that you didn’t need to. Now you’re starting to take control of your own mind and decide for yourself what you think you need to be afraid of and what you don’t think you need to be afraid of. You’re no longer allowing your anxiety to dictate that for you.

Letting go of Resistance

Anxiety doesn’t just stop by identifying all your problems and changing how you respond to them. Changing your response to the root cause of your anxiety is only about half the work. After you’ve done this, you’ll likely still find yourself overpowered and overwhelmed by the enormous control your anxiety has over you.

The next step is to look a little further within, and observe how you are reacting to the anxiety itself. How are you reacting to the presence of the anxiety just being there, manifesting itself? You have to start to recognize the part of you that is just frightened, horrified, or tormented by your anxiety itself.

Anxiety is obviously a very uncomfortable, unpleasant, unwanted, painful state to be in. Nobody wants to feel nervous or anxious. Most people try to avoid the triggers of their anxiety and run away from their phobias just to prevent this state from taking over.

And because this state is so unpleasant, on a subconscious level, we resist it. We want it to stop. We want it to go away. We feel victimized by it with self-pity. We are essentially afraid of anxiety itself. And this keeps us stuck in a trap where our anxiety continues to sustain itself.

Remember that your anxiety sustains itself by making you react in fear to various problems, circumstances, triggers, experiences, etc. The more scared you are, the stronger your anxiety becomes. Now if you are resisting your anxiety and wanting it to stop, then that implies that you are SCARED of it! You’re scared of your anxiety itself. That just gives your anxiety exactly what it needs to survive and keeps it alive inside of you.

Luckily, there’s a simple solution to this problem. We break free from this trap when we surrender and let-go of resistance to anxiety. We have to gently allow ourselves to fully feel anxiety to the max without any desire to make it stop. Think of it as if you are just casually sitting back and allowing your anxiety to do whatever it wants to do, like you just “don’t care“. And we have to literally get to the point where we’re not bothered by the anxiety’s presence, and don’t mind it being there.

You’ll soon see that part of being anxious is resisting the anxiety. If you are always feeling victimized by your anxiety, wanting it to stop, wanting it to go away, stuck in self-pity, then your anxiety will always be there, because all of that is part of being anxious. But if you can gently surrender into your anxiety, get to the point where you’re not bothered by its presence and don’t mind it being there, are you really “anxious” anymore? Not really, because part of being anxious is resisting the anxiety.

By fully surrendering and letting go of resistance to anxiety we are demonstrating that we’re not scared of it. Then our anxiety slowly starts to lose its control over us and we start to relax our minds. Most importantly we’re now starting to change our mindset to think and feel like we don’t have anxiety, which is key. Once you get this concept, you can use it to do things like stop panic attacks and shut down your body’s fight-or-flight response.

Shutting Down the Fight-or-Flight

Shutting down the body’s fight-or-flight response is a rather tricky and difficult practice that most people struggle with and frankly just don’t know how. But it all comes down to how you mentally react or respond to the fight-or-flight state itself.

For most people, when their fight-or-flight gets triggered, they just react to it with panic and resistance. The fight-or-flight mode is very uncomfortable with the heart beating fast, chest tight, being short of breath and limbs shaking. It’s really painful and frankly just torture. Therefore, when most people go into fight-or-flight, their immediate reaction is to feel uptight, tense, and just freak out and panic.

That panicking and resistance just makes the body continue going into fight-or-flight. Then that just makes you panic even more, which makes the body continue with fight-or-flight. It’s just a vicious cycle, a trap that you’re stuck in.

You have to break that cycle, and that is by letting go of resistance to this state and choosing not to be bothered by all of its pain and discomfort. That will relax your mind and eventually get your body to calm down.

Remember that your fight-or-flight or “Fear Response” is simply how your body responds to fear being present in your mind. Therefore, you have to get the fear out of your mind in order to turn off the Fear Response. If you’re resisting your fight-or-flight then that implies that you’re SCARED of it. But if you are surrendering and letting go to your fight-or-flight, you’re showing that you’re NOT SCARED of it.

From now on, when your body goes into fight-or-flight mode, you have to “change the way you respond” to that state. You have to stop panicking, but instead surrender and let go of resistance to it. You have to drop any desire to make it stop, and just let it run freely. Try to think and feel like you’re not bothered by all the pain and discomfort, like you don’t mind any of it and basically just “don’t care“. Instead of wanting it to stop, you have to want it to keep going, and ask for more!

This is probably going to feel like something very new and different, unlike anything you’ve ever done before. Therefore, I suggest you find a quiet place where you can limit your distractions and fold your attention inwards. Once you’ve done that follow these steps to shut down your fight-or-flight:

1. Sit in a chair or lie down in bed or on a couch. Breathe deep to fill the body with oxygen. You want to continue breathing deep throughout this whole exercise. Close your eyes if you want to further limit your distractions. Now start to look a little further within.
2. Take a minute to observe this uncomfortable state you’re in and describe it accurately. Pay particularly close attention to everything that is actually bothering you. Perhaps your heart is beating fast, your stomach is burning, your throat is sore, you’re short of breath and winded, your muscles are tight, and your head is under tension. By becoming fully aware of everything that is bothering you, you’re setting yourself up for the next step, which is letting-go.
3. Lay-back, chill-out, and surrender and let-go of resistance to your fight-or-flight. Lose any desire to make it stop and just allow it to run freely. Really focus on trying to think and feel like you’re not bothered by all the pain and discomfort that you’re going through. Observe your thoughts, and replace any thoughts of resistance with thoughts of letting-go. Instead of thinking “make it stop!” like you’re being tortured, you want to think “Keep going! Do your worst! Bring it on! Knock yourself out! I can do this all day!”

This is going to feel very counter-intuitive at first and it’ll take a strong conscious will to do this. You’ll be consistently tempted to resist and “freak out and panic” about all the pain and discomfort. It’s tricky, but you have to keep focusing on letting-go to it. And by letting go of resistance to the fight-or-flight state, you’re showing that you’re not scared, which will start to relax your mind.

If you can maintain this state of “no resistance” and relaxation in your mind for at least a few minutes, your body will eventually respond to it. Your heart rate will come down, stomach will settle, muscles will relax, you can catch your breath, and the whole fight-or-fight mode will subside.

The very first time you try to do this will probably be extremely difficult, and it will take a ton of focus and concentration. But it should only get easier each time you do it, and your anxiety should get significantly weaker. This is a skill that you’re going to have to develop, to shut-down your body’s fight-or-flight response. That is not with alcohol or drugs or medication, but with your own conscious will.

Putting up a Fight

Overcoming anxiety is an on-going process that requires consistent vigilance and voluntary efforts. In your daily life you have to start monitoring your state of mind for anxiety. Become more aware of the mood you’re in and “catch” yourself whenever you feel nervous. Then you’ll want to decipher the meaning of it on the spot and ask yourself “Why am I anxious?”

Identify what triggered the anxiety, whether it was an external circumstance or a thought in your mind. Narrow down on what the anxiety is trying to make you afraid of. Then change the way you respond to that trigger and “counter” the anxiety. Remind yourself why you don’t need to be afraid of this thing.

That alone is sometimes enough to control the anxiety. However, if you still can’t control it then you need to focus on letting go of resistance. Gently, allow yourself to fully feel the anxiety, and drop any desire to make it to stop. Stop panicking about your body’s fight-or-flight and just surrender and let it run freely. Eventually, your mind will relax and your body will calm down.

You also need to start viewing all the problems in your life as opportunities to work on yourself. Anything that scares you, anything that stresses you out, and anything that makes you nervous, is an opportunity for you to fight anxiety. Instead of running away and hiding from all your fears and phobias, you should be willing to face them head-on. You should look forward to any opportunity you have to work on your anxiety.

That is the process that you’re going to have to get used to doing on a daily basis. You need to be constantly monitoring your mind for anxiety and be ready to fight it at any time. And you have to be constantly looking for opportunities to work on it, rather than running from them. You have to basically “declare war” with your anxiety and swear to fight it to the death. This war could go on for a long time, but every battle that you win should “weaken” your anxiety a little bit. That should give you the motivation to keep fighting.

Going Forward

After you’ve been fighting your anxiety for a while, it’s easy to get discouraged and frustrated and exhausted. You just want the anxiety to give up and die already. Even when your anxiety is not attacking you, you might be uptight and nervous and worried by anticipating when it’s going to attack you next.

That is the wrong attitude to have as it will probably help sustain the anxiety. Instead you need to have a more positive attitude and be willing, ready, and motivated to fight your anxiety for as long as it takes. That will take away any resistance towards the anxiety, and you’ll have a much better chance at beating it. If you can tell yourself that you’re not concerned about your anxiety attacking you in the future and you don’t even care about it anymore, then that should help silence your anxiety and finish it off.

Conclusion

To start working on any particular anxiety, conduct a brainstorm on all aspects of it. Recall how it started and how it continued to grow and develop. Identify everything that triggers it and describe how it manifests through you and influences your behavior. Doing this brainstorm should help separate you from your anxiety and prepare you to work on it.

Then you want to narrow down on the root-cause or the true meaning of the anxiety. You want to decipher exactly what it’s trying to make you afraid of. Some things that can help you answer this are the origin, the triggers, and the thoughts. Once you know the anxiety’s root cause, you can start to evaluate it.

The next step is to change the way you respond to the root cause of the anxiety. You can do this in 3 different ways: You can declare that the fear is completely unnecessary and you don’t need it whatsoever. You can consider the situation serious and important, and do everything you can to handle the problem. Or you can recognize that the situation is beyond your control or unavoidable.

The other half of the process is to change the way you respond to the presence of the anxiety inside of you by letting go of resistance to this state. By doing this you are demonstrating that you’re not afraid of the anxiety itself, which essentially deprives it of what it needs to survive. You can take that a step further by letting go of resistance to all the physical symptoms anxiety has on your body. That will relax your mind and manually shut down your body’s fight-or-flight response.

You need to continue this fight on a daily basis. Monitor your state of mind for anxiety and catch yourself whenever you feel anxious. Identify what triggered it and narrow down on what the anxiety is trying to make you afraid of. Then change the way you respond to that trigger. Let go of resistance to all the discomforts of your anxiety until you feel relaxed. Keep this up and over time your anxiety will just keep getting weaker and weaker.

That is my method for fighting anxiety. This is what I have used to fight my own anxiety and it has definitely helped me transform into a more “chilled out” person. I’m sure that underneath your anxiety is the more relaxed, braver, chilled-out person that you’ve always wanted to be. So, the last piece of advice I can give you is to be persistent and don’t ever give up on it.

Good luck in battling your anxiety.

Our jobs can take a toll on our mental health, no doubt. If our jobs put us under a lot of pressure, it can make us very stressed. Work stress is probably one of the most common forms of stress among humanity. Anybody who’s been a part of the workforce has experienced work stress at some point.

Managing stress at work I think is one of the most important aspects of stress management. By working full-time were putting ourselves in the same environment and circumstances for several hours every day. We’re exposed to the same pressures over and over again, which can keep us in an ongoing state of stress.

We already spend so much time at work just to make a living. So we want to be careful that we’re not also “selling” our mental health away for that salary as well.

For that reason I think learning how to manage your stress at work is an important lesson for anyone trying to overcome anxiety or improve their mental health. So, this is my method for managing work-stress. It includes identifying all the triggers of your stress, deciding how you’re going to deal with them, and then putting your plan into action.

Process

To really manage stress at work you have to know what is causing your stress. What are all the triggers of your stress at work? You want to become aware of all the pressures acting on you from your job. As long as you’re not aware of what’s triggering your stress, it can continue to act on a subconscious level.

To identify all the pressures it might be beneficial to do a little retrospection on your entire career up to this point. Recall every job you’ve ever had and try to identify all the triggers of your stress for each one.

Then you need to “change the way you respond” to the triggers of your stress. You need to propose how you’re going to deal with every problem or issue or circumstance that’s been causing your stress.

Lastly, you need to make an active effort “on the job” to monitor your state of mind and start consciously “taking away” your manifestations of stress.

Retrospection

Recall some of your first jobs as a teenager and young-adult, whether they were fast-food, restaurant-dining, or retail, factory labor, construction etc.

If you worked in fast-food it was probably a rather fast-paced environment. They probably first had you working in the back preparing all the food orders. This could have included cooking the fries, making the sandwiches and operating the grill. Your duties may have gotten tricky and hectic when the store got busy. You might have received some complaints from your co-workers and supervisors about your speed and efficiency, which might have made you nervous and stressed.

At some point in fast-food you probably had to learn cash and serve customers. Now having to talk to people might have been intimidating if you had any kind of social anxiety. You might have received complaints from some of the customers who were being really rude and disrespectful to you. That might have made you even more nervous and worsened your social anxiety. There might have been people making special requests and over-complicating their orders, making it difficult for you to remember it all. Then you probably found yourself getting overwhelmed and stressed when the store got busy, facing that crowded, endless line of customers.

If you worked in a restaurant, it was probably the same idea, a fast-paced environment. Even if you started in the back washing dishes, it could still get hectic when the restaurant got busy. You might have received complaints from your co-workers/ supervisors about your speed and efficiency.

Then if you ever started waiting on tables or working as a bus-person, there’d be even more pressures acting on you. You’d have to talk to customers which would intimidate you if you had social anxiety. You’d have to deal with rude customers making complaints and losing their temper. And you would still have to deal with the fast pace of the restaurant when it got busy.

If you ever worked in construction or in a factory, that would have been a fast-paced environment. Your duties were probably very repetitive and exhausting. You’d be busy every single day and probably be nagged and criticized by your supervisors about your speed and efficiency. If you had to operate heavy machinery, that might have intimidated you at first. The dangers of working around heavy machinery might have scared you.

These are just some common examples of first-jobs and the stress-inducing circumstances associated with them. You have to look back on your own career and recall all of your various jobs. Then try to remember what exactly was it about them that may have stressed you out.

Your Current Job

Now start to examine and analyze the conditions of your current job. What are all the circumstances of your current job that might be causing your stress?

Your job duties probably get hectic and overwhelming when your workplace gets busy. You probably have to juggle several different projects and tasks in a single day. Then you also might get interrupted by your co-workers and supervisors to do other random tasks and favours for them at the most inconvenient times. You must find it irritating and frustrating and it drives you crazy.

The actual projects that you work on might not always be so simple and straight-forward or clear. They might sometimes be complex or vague and you have to struggle to figure them out. You might get stressed when you’re stuck on a certain project and you have to think just to come up with something for it. Then you might be worried about the poor quality of that project and the time that you wasted on it.

You might occasionally have some technical difficulties with your computer software or photocopier machine or any other equipment. This then holds up your productivity and slows you down. You probably get frustrated and irritated every time it happens.

Perhaps your co-workers and supervisors have a temper. Maybe they criticize you about the quality of your work and give you a hard time about your mistakes. Your supervisors might lose their temper with you for not catching on fast enough, while being trained on new duties. Or maybe you are a supervisor with newer employees working under you. Perhaps you find it frustrating when they’re slacking or not trying hard enough to catch on to their work-duties.

Your boss might be a big jerk. Perhaps he’s naturally obnoxious and always speaks his mind even if it’s completely rude and offensive. He might be really childish and selfish and greedy, overly concerned with making money. He probably doesn’t hesitate to criticize you on your performance, especially your speed and efficiency.

Depending on what you do for a living, your work might have some serious implications on people’s lives or the environment or society. You could be a medical professional and have to perform risky operations on people. You could be a pilot, having to safely fly hundreds of people around the world. If you’re a structural engineer you have to ensure that buildings and bridges don’t collapse. Therefore if you have a job that poses risks and carries high responsibilities you can easily find yourself stressed.

Identifying the Pressures

Now that you’ve taken the time to revisit all of the jobs that you’ve ever worked, it’s time to identify the pressures. What were the specific pressures acting on you that triggered stress from working those jobs?

In just about any job there’s always a big pressure to be productive. You’ve probably received all kinds of criticism and nagging and complaining about your speed and efficiency. You’re being paid for your time. So you’re expected to be using your time to generate profit for the business. After all, time is money. Therefore, whenever your workplace gets busy, this pressure gets worse, and anything that “holds you up” or “slows you down” will stress you out.

After productivity there must be some sort of pressure to enhance the quality of your work. In order to please your customers and clients you want to actually do a “good job” with the goods or services you provide. Otherwise you could get complaints and upset or anger your customers, which could potentially hurt the business. If you’re someone who doesn’t like conflict or gets intimidated by people, then this could potentially cause you anxiety.

Your job might have some serious implications on people’s lives or their safety or the environment or society. Perhaps you have to make important business decisions that have large consequences. Perhaps your work is potentially dangerous to you and the workers around you. Maybe your job is so important that you have thousands of people’s lives in your hands. The greater the effect your work has on the world around you, the more pressure is acting on you.

These are just some common examples of work-related pressures. You have to examine the conditions of your own job and determine the pressures acting on you.

Changing Your Response

Now that you’ve become aware of all the pressures acting on you, the next step is to change the way you respond to them. You have to decide how you’re going to “deal” with all the circumstances from your job, which have been triggering your stress.

Some of these circumstances might be more important than others. You might conclude that some of these circumstances don’t matter at all. Perhaps some of these circumstances are completely beyond your control. The 3 methods I like to use are Removing the Pressure, Taking Responsibility, and Accepting the Futile.

Removing the Pressure

When external pressures are acting on us, they induce stress within our mind. But when we take those pressures off, the stress within us will disappear. When it comes to managing stress I always first look for certain pressures that I can take off.

Once you’ve identified the pressures acting on you, you’ll want to evaluate how important these circumstances really are. There should hopefully be certain things that you conclude are completely unimportant and not even worth worrying about. Then you’ll have to decide that you won’t let these things stress you out anymore.

For example, if you have a problem with social anxiety then you probably get nervous and stressed interacting with customers and clients and dealing with their complaints. You also might be intimidated by your boss and supervisors if they have a temper. This is something you’re going to have to realize is not worth stressing about and you’re going to have to get over.

Taking Responsibility

After you’ve removed some of the “unnecessary” pressures, you need to acknowledge the most important pressures acting on you. Your job might pose some risks or have you take on some serious responsibilities. Your work might have some serious consequences or impacts on the public or the environment or society.

So your task here is to become “confident” in your ability to handle these pressures. By building up your confidence, you’re basically building up a “resistance” to the pressure. That should reduce the stress in your mind.

If making a mistake in your work will have serious consequences, then you need to become “confident” in your ability to do your job properly or correctly. Hopefully, you’ve spent some time working under more experienced professionals to give you a chance to learn and practice. Obviously the more experienced you become the better you’ll get at your job and the more confident with it you’ll be.

You should only work on projects or duties that you are knowledgeable of, experienced in, and comfortable with. This is basically your “comfort zone”. It’s like you are only exposing yourself to pressures that you are mentally “strong” enough to handle. Anything else is pressure that you aren’t strong enough to handle, which will induce stress in your mind. In order to manage stress, you have to know what your comfort zone is and stay there. Then slowly and gradually expand your comfort zone over time.

Accepting the Futile

Lastly, you need to recognize when your stress is being triggered by circumstances of your job that are beyond your control. You need to recognize situations or circumstances that aren’t your fault or you can’t do much about.

The best example I can think of is the pressure to be productive that typically comes when your workplace gets busy. You have to remind yourself that your workplace’s level of business is beyond your control and your stress isn’t going to do anything to help. All you can do is to casually work your way through it. Focus your attention on one project or task at a time. Try not to get distracted, worrying about the whole pile of work that lies ahead.

As your co-workers or supervisors interrupt you to do other random tasks for them, just accept it. If someone asks you to do something, then you have to do it, even if it slows down your productivity. Getting stressed out about it isn’t going to help. If you get overwhelmed trying to remember everything, then make use of stick-it notes and write down all your tasks to be done.

When you get busy, try to examine each task individually, and evaluate how genuinely “stressful” each one is on its own. If one simple, easy task doesn’t stress you out, then a long serious of simple, easy tasks shouldn’t stress you out either. This should prevent you from falling under the illusion of being “overwhelmed” by a large load of work or an endless To-Do list.

When you’re facing technical difficulties with any equipment at your workplace, you have to accept that as futile. If any of your workplace’s equipment is malfunctioning then that is a circumstance beyond your control. Therefore, getting stressed out and frustrated about it isn’t going to solve anything.

You have to accept that all these “annoying” or “inconvenient” circumstances are a normal part of any workplace and you have to live with them. You have to recognize that they are mostly beyond your control and stressing out about them isn’t going to accomplish anything.

Self-Observation & Death-in-Motion

It’s not quite enough to just have an “idea” of all the triggers of your stress, and have an “idea” of how you’re going to deal with them. You have to make an active effort “on the job” while you’re actually working, to manage your stress.

In just about any workplace, random incidents and problems can come up at any time. One minute the workplace can seem really slow, and the next thing you know a huge pile of work can come out of nowhere. Customers and clients can make complaints about your services at any time. Your workplace equipment can start to malfunction at the most inconvenient times. Therefore, if you’re not in a state of vigilance, you can easily react any of these random incidents.

That’s why you need to work with Self-Observation to monitor your state of mind throughout the work day. Then you need to work with Death-in-Motion to “take away” any minute manifestations of stress and start to “weaken” this anxiety.

Self-Observation

Next time you go to work, before you even walk through the door, plan to monitor your state of mind throughout the whole shift. As you start working, try to “fold your attention inwards” and be aware of the mood that you’re in. This should fix you into the present moment and help you focus on one task at a time.

As soon as you start to feel any kind of stress, stop right there and question it by asking “Why am I stressed?” Identify what triggered the stress and why. Once you know the root cause of your stress, you can try to change the way you respond to the trigger.

Example:

You’re in the middle of working on some project and your boss suddenly comes and asks you to print some paper work for him. You start to feel frustrated and irritated. Ask yourself “why am I stressed?” After self-observing on this incident, this is what you discover:

• You were busy in the middle of working on a large project and were inconveniently interrupted.
• You have to make the effort to remember this task on top of everything else you have to do.
• Taking the time to do this little favour is going to slow down your own productivity.

Now that you’ve clearly described the triggers of your stress, you can evaluate it. Ask yourself “Do I really need to be stressed out about this? Is this really such a big deal?” Then try to change the way you respond to it:

• Anytime your boss asks you to do something, you have to do it. You might as well just accept it as futile, and not bother stressing out about it.
• This is a very simple task, just printing some paper work, even if it does add to my To-Do list.
• If your productivity gets slowed down because someone else asks you to do something, then that’s not your fault. There’s no point in you worrying about it.
• If you’re worried about remembering all your tasks to do, write them down and focus your attention on one thing at a time.

So, you want to basically do this throughout the whole day. Carefully monitor the mood that you’re in while you’re working. Catch yourself whenever your start to feel stressed. Question the reason for it and identify what triggered it. Then try to change the way you respond to that trigger.

If you keep this up for a couple weeks to maybe a month, you’ll hopefully start to “weaken” this work-stress. It should become easier for you to just be relaxed at work.

Death-in-Motion

After you’ve gotten enough practice at self-observation, you should be able to improve your speed with managing stress. You should get to the point where you can just consciously “stop” any manifestations of stress as soon as you feel them coming. Death-in-Motion is the process of monitoring your state of mind on a daily basis from moment-to-moment and consciously “stopping” any manifestations of the subconscious.

Start by trying to become more aware of the small things that stress you out at work. These could be little things like being interrupted by your coworkers while you’re working or having technical difficulties with equipment. Catch yourself when you’re about to get stressed about these little things and consciously “stop” yourself.

Remember that all these small, minute manifestations of the subconscious are basically how it “feeds” and sustains itself. Therefore, when we take these minute manifestations away, we’re basically “starving” our anxiety. Keep this up and you’ll be gradually strengthening your consciousness and weakening your anxiety.

Eventually you’ll reach a point where you can face the bigger challenges at work that used to drive you crazy. You should be able to handle really unfavorable circumstances that perhaps used to warp your mind with stress before. This could be something like your workplace being insanely busy and you being severely overwhelmed with an endless line of projects. Once you’ve mastered the little things, you should be in a position where you’re equally matched to take on the bigger things.

Stressing About Stress Itself

Let’s say your stress is so bad that you’ve tried everything up to this point and you still can’t control it. You might have identified the trigger and tried to change your response to it. But your mind is just so badly warped with stress and tension that you can’t control it.

There’s a part of you that is simply stressed about the state that you’re in. Your body is likely in a very discomforting state. Your head probably feels like it’s under immense tension. You might be short of breath and light-headed. Because of all this discomfort, a part of you is simply stressing about “being stressed”, or stressing about stress itself.

But if you can change the way you respond to this uncomfortable state, then you can remove the stress right there. Instead of trying to resist it and wanting it to stop immediately, just surrender to it and let go. You have to actually “not mind” it or “not care about” it, like it’s not even bothering you.

This might sound kind of silly and counter-intuitive at first, but it works. Just by pretending that you’re not bothered by the physical discomfort of your stress, you can start to relax your mind. The next time you find yourself overwhelmed with stress at work, find a place to sit down in your office and try this exercise:

1. Sit in a chair and close your eyes. Breathe deep to fill the body with oxygen.
2. Observe or recognize the stressful state that you’re in. Become aware of how your stress is manipulating your body by describing what it’s doing and how it feels. Your head probably feels like it is being pulled in multiple directions. Your sinuses might be clogged, making breathing difficult. Your throat might be sore. You might be light-headed. Try to observe and describe all the discomfort that your stress is causing your body.
3. Surrender to the discomfort and let go of resistance to it. Try to think and feel like it’s not even bothering you. Pretend that you don’t mind it or don’t care about it, like it’s not even bothering you. Maintain this state of relaxation in your mind until you’ve calmed down.

Conclusion

Learning how to manage work-stress is important since we spend so much time working and getting exposed to the same pressures for years. To start managing work-stress we should start by becoming aware of the circumstances from your work that trigger your stress. From this we can then identify the pressures that our job places on us.

Once you know the triggers of your stress and the pressures acting on you, you need to change the way you respond to them. First you need to recognize any “unimportant” circumstances that are not worth stressing about and choose to stop. Then you need to identify the most important pressures acting on you and work towards building up your “confidence” in your ability to handle them. Know what your comfort zone is and stay there, while gradually expanding it. Lastly, you have to recognize all the circumstances that are beyond your control and choose to stop reacting to them.

After you’ve planned out how you’re going to respond to all your work-related pressures, you have to make an active effort on the job to manage your stress. Carefully monitor your state of mind while you’re working and catch yourself when you start feeling stressed. Question what triggered it and why? Then try to change the way you respond to that trigger. Improve your speed by just consciously “stopping” any small, minute manifestations of stress whenever you feel them coming. Eventually, you’ll reach a point where you can handle the bigger challenges at work without getting stressed about them.

When you find yourself completely overwhelmed with stress and can’t control it, you have to recognize the part of you that’s stressing about the uncomfortable state that you’re in.Take a short break from your work and observe all the physical discomfort that your stress is causing you. Then change your response to that state by thinking and feeling like your not bothered by it.

That is my method for handling work-stress. I’ve certainly had my fair share of experiencing stress at work. But using this method I’ve managed to greatly reduce this problem and gotten to a point where I can just relax. I hope this helps you at least a little with managing your excessive work stress and you finally learn to relax at work.

Good luck in your career.

School can take a toll on our mental health in many ways. We spend a huge portion of our lives in school, whether we only graduate from high school or we go to college or university or grad school. And in that time we might have some bad experiences which may leave behind some problems in our psychology.

Students can get exposed to a host of pressures that can cause some painful stress. Being a full-time student, you’re continuously stuck under all that pressure for the majority of the year. You get your winter holiday, spring break, and summer holiday to relax. But when you’re back in school full-time, you’re stuck under all that pressure.

School stress can continue to affect adults that have been out of school for years. Even if you’re not a student anymore, this part of your subconscious can still be lurking in the hidden side of your psyche. And it can continue to manifest itself in your dreams. A common “bad dream” for adults is they imagine themselves back in high school or college and they’re falling behind on homework assignments and tests, and exams and presentations, etc.

For these reasons I think learning how to manage school-stress can be beneficial for anyone. So let me share with you my method for managing school-stress. It involves becoming aware of all the pressures from school, and then changing the way you respond to each one. As of writing this I’ve been out of school for several years, so I’ve never actually used this method myself. However, if I were to go back to school, this is what I would use to try and manage my own stress.

Identifying the Pressures

Really examine your experiences in school and try to identify the triggers of your stress and the pressures acting on you. Think of all the duties and responsibilities that school places on you. Think of all of your own personal desires and goals that you want to achieve in school. And of course, think of the influences that all those other students might have on you.

Probably the first thing on any student’s mind is the desire to get good grades. Your parents might be pushing you to do well in school. Maybe you consider yourself a straight-‘A’ student and set the bar really high for yourself. You might just be trying to “prove” your intelligence to everyone around you and compete with other hardworking preppy students. If you’re in your senior year of high school, you’re probably applying for college or university and scholarships, which require a high average. This “pressure to get good grades” is probably the one pressure that always remains with you while you’re enrolled in school. Underneath all the other circumstances and situations you might face, this pressure is always there.

Your academic work can be extensive and can take many forms. In a math class for example, you’ll have regular homework assignments. In science class you’ll have labs. In English you’ll have essays and presentations. In social-studies, you’ll have a ton of memorization and some research projects. Throughout the term you’ll be given tests and quizzes. At the end of the term you’ll have some sort of final exam. Given the abundance and complexity of your academic work you can easily find yourself overwhelmed and stressed.

Not all of your academic work is probably done individually. In science labs you most likely have to work with a partner. In research projects and presentations you usually have to work in a group. This creates the potential conflict of dividing or sharing the work, as some members might not be “pulling their weight”. If you’re a passionate hardworking student you might find it frustrating putting up with slackers. On the other hand if you have any trouble with your share of the work, you can end up angering or upsetting the others. Either way, this group work is going to be frustrating, stressful or intimidating for you.

If you’re involved in any extra-curricular activities that can place even more responsibilities on you. If you play any sports you have to make it to practices and games. If you play in a band you have to make it to rehearsals and concerts. If you’re a member of any clubs you probably have meetings and sessions to go to. Having all these extra commitments on top of your academic work can make your schedule super busy and hectic.

By attending any kind of public school you’re going to get exposed to all kinds of peer-pressure. You’re surrounded by dozens of people your age every single day.

If you have any kind of social anxiety then you probably feel a general pressure just to fit-in, and be accepted and respected by everyone. When you first started high school or college you were probably nervous about meeting people and making friends. You might worry about who you’re going to eat lunch with, who you’re going to hang out with in the halls, and don’t want to come across as a loner. You might be worried about who you’re going to dances with and be nervous about dating. Having social anxiety would therefore make your school experience so much worse.

If you have problems with stage fright or public speaking anxiety, that could be contributing to your school stress. Several of your classes most likely involve presentations, with the most being in English. You probably find it incredibly nerve-wracking having to stand in front of the class and talk. Then if it doesn’t go well you find it embarrassing and humiliating. Due to your stage fright you probably dread presentations and speeches and music and drama performances, and they give you horrible anxiety.

The whole concept of popularity might have put pressure on you. You might find it intimidating being among a large group of over-confident, stuck-up teenagers who think they’re so “cool” and mature and better than everyone else. There are probably many people who value popularity and desperately try to maintain their social status like their life depends on it. They must be really selective about who they would hang out with and talk to and even just acknowledge. Therefore the concept popularity basically “amplified” that pressure to be accepted and respected by your peers.

In school you might find yourself “pressured” to be like all the high-achieving students, trying their best and living out their goals and dreams and ambitions. In high school you could be surrounded by high achieving students acing their courses, playing sports, and getting involved in extra-curricular activities. They could be getting accepted into universities and planning their career. In university your classmates could be acing their courses and developing connections in their field and applying for internships. Being stuck in these conditions you’ll likely feel a “push” to “measure up” to your peers, and feel behind or “left-out” if you’re having any trouble with it.

Changing Your Response

Now that you’ve become aware of all the pressures acting on you, the next step is to change the way you respond to them. You have to decide how you’re going to “deal” with all the circumstances from school that have been triggering your stress.

Some of these circumstances might be more important than others. You might conclude that some of these circumstances don’t matter at all. Perhaps some of these circumstances are completely beyond your control. The 3 methods I like to use are Removing the Pressure, Taking Responsibility, and Accepting the Futile.

Removing the Pressure

When external pressures are acting on us, they induce stress within our mind. But when we take those pressures off, the stress within us disappear. Whenever I try to manage stress, I always first look for any pressures that I can take off.

Now that you’ve identified all the triggers of your stress, you need to evaluate how “important” these circumstances really are. There should hopefully be certain things that you conclude are completely unimportant and not even worth worrying about. Then you can choose to “take the pressure off” and eliminate the stress inside of you.

For example, you might be setting the bar too high for yourself if your goal is to achieve a straight-‘A’ report card in the high 90’s. If you’re getting stressed out about not reaching that goal then you might need to set the bar lower, to take the pressure off. And if your reason for wanting that goal is just to show off and “prove your intelligence” to your classmates, then you need to learn not to care what people think.

In my opinion, I’d say all these peer pressures are completely unnecessary and you’d be better off just removing them.

If you have any problems with social anxiety or public speaking anxiety or stage fright, then these are problems you’re going to have to get over. These anxieties are completely unnecessary and serve absolutely no purpose. All they do is make your life more difficult and miserable.

The pressures coming from popularity are also probably better off removed. You don’t need to spend your school years worrying about what some over-confident, stuck-up kids think of you. As long as you have a few good friends, that’s all that matters.

The pressure coming from you “comparing yourself” to high-achieving students is probably better off removed. Of course you should try your best in school, but your motivation shouldn’t be to simply compete with other students. If you’re allowing your standards to be defined by the people around you, then you are a victim of circumstance. Everybody has a choice in how “ambitious” or “high-achieving” they want to be or not. You need to focus on being yourself and defining your own standards and doing the best you can at that.

By removing some of these pressures you are subsequently eliminating some of the stress inside of you. That allows you to focus on the more important circumstances that you have to face in school.

Taking Responsibility

Now that you’ve removed some of the “unnecessary” pressures, you have to acknowledge the most important pressures acting on you. Think of these as the most important concerns or issues or situations that you have to face in school. These are responsibilities that you have to make yourself ready to take on.

For example, if you chose to get involved in extra-curricular activities such as sports teams, clubs, a band, etc., then you have a duty to commit yourself to them. You can’t just go skipping practices and games and performances and meetings.

In your academic work you obviously have a desire to get good grades or at least “pass” all your courses. That leaves you with a responsibility to pay attention in class, take notes, do your homework, complete your projects, and study hard for tests and exams.

Most importantly, the group work should be prioritized over your individual work. Any academic work that involves other people is so much more important. It’s not just your grades that are at stake here, it’s your classmates. You have to make sure you get your share of the work done to the best of your ability for the sake of the group. On the other hand if any of your group members are slacking with their share of the work, don’t be too hard on them. Try to give them a break, as it might be a difficult task that they’re struggling with.

If you can become “confident” in your ability to handle these responsibilities then it should feel like building up a “resistance” to these pressures. That should help reduce the stress in your mind.

Accepting the Futile

Lastly, you need to recognize when your stress is being triggered by circumstances from school that are beyond your control.

Probably the first thing to recognize as futile is how busy you can get with your academic work. You don’t get to decide on the structure or components of your courses. You don’t get to decide how much homework your teacher assigns or how many tests or quizzes they give. Worst of all you probably don’t get to decide what deadlines the teacher gives for all these assignments. Being busy is a pain, but your stress and worries really aren’t serving much of a purpose here.

When you get busy in school you have to plan and prioritize, and most importantly do one thing at a time. You’re going to have to juggle all your courses and their various homework assignments. Make use of a personal planner/agenda where you record everything you have to do including all your academic work and their deadlines, the dates for tests and exams and presentations, any meetings/events for extra-curricular activities, your work schedule if you have a job and everything in your life. That should help “ease your mind” by having everything written down, and it will allow you to focus on one task at a time.

Another thing you have to recognize as futile is the actual content that your teacher assigns. You don’t get to control what homework your teacher assigns and how difficult it is. You definitely don’t know what exactly they’re going to put on their quizzes and tests and exams. This “uncertainty” can motivate you study as hard as you can, but after you’ve done that there’s no point in stressing about it.

By recognizing certain circumstances as futile or “beyond your control”, you can remind yourself that there’s no real reason to worry or stress about it.

Conclusion

Being enrolled in school exposes us to a host of pressures that can induce a ton of stress in our mind. To begin managing your school-stress, start by becoming aware of all the triggers of your stress and pressures acting on you from school.

Try to identify any less important, “unnecessary” pressures that you can take off, and learn to stop worrying about them. Then become aware of your most important responsibilities and make it a priority to always fulfill those duties. Lastly, you want to become aware of circumstances that are beyond your control and decide what you’re going to do about them, and try not to worry about them.

This is my method for managing school-stress. Unfortunately, I’m not a student anymore, so I can’t say that this has actually worked for me. But if I were to go back to school, then this is honestly what I would do to try and manage my stress. I hope this article helps to alleviate any mental tension that school might be posing on you and helps you relax a bit.

Good luck in your education.

We all have busy lives. We have chores, errands, appointments, jobs, duties, responsibilities, obligations, etc. Whenever we find ourselves “swamped” with a huge load of tasks to do, our minds can get warped with stress.  

A lot of times we “justify” this state of stress and tension when we’re busy. We might feel like we “have” to be in a rush to get everything done as quickly as possible. It’s like we think we can’t relax until after it’s all over and done with.

This stress then usually gets amplified by trying to “randomly” get through the work load in a disorderly, disorganized fashion. In this manner your mind is going to be overly preoccupied trying to think about everything at once. You’ll find yourself constantly “worrying” about all the various tasks to be done.

I believe the root of this type of stress is just a subconscious “lack of confidence” in your ability to get through the work load. Therefore, to eliminate this stress we have to essentially become confident in our ability to take on a heavy load of work. We have to “believe” that we can handle it. You also have to accept that this stress is “futile“. If you have a large load of work to do and a certain amount of time to do it, then you’re best off just staying calm and working through it. The stress isn’t helping and it isn’t serving any purpose.

Strategy

Whenever you find yourself faced with a large load of tasks, you have to come up with a set plan that lays out everything that needs to be done. Make a detailed list of everything and write it all down. Prioritize your tasks in whatever order you want. The idea is to have everything written down so you don’t have to remember any particular task or the order in which to complete it.

Try to examine each task individually, and evaluate how “difficult” or time-consuming or genuinely “stressful” each one is on its own. This should help you see whether your stress level is appropriate or just unnecessary and ridiculous. Therefore, if one simple, easy task doesn’t stress you out, then a long serious of simple, easy tasks shouldn’t stress you out either. This should prevent you from falling under the illusion of being “overwhelmed” by a large work load or an endless To-Do list.

As you begin working through the list, focus your attention on one task at a time. But not just physically do one thing at a time, but also mentally do one thing at a time. Try to avoid getting distracted, worrying about the whole work load at once. Train yourself to focus your attention on one task. You could even “cover up” your list so you can only see the one task that you’re currently working on.

By doing this you are working with your consciousness. It’s your subconscious that’s trying to get you to worry about everything all at once. Your subconscious is trying to get you to rush through everything. By focusing on one task you are working with your consciousness and staying in the present moment with awareness.

By doing this you’re also temporarily “taking the pressure off”. If there were a hundred cars driving over a bridge at once, that bridge would be under a ton of stress. But if each of those cars waited their turn and went one at a time, then the stress in the bridge would be greatly reduced.

Use this strategy in your personal life with your errands and appointments and household chores. If you’re a student then use it in school with assignments, tests, exams etc. If you’re working then use it at work with the various projects that you do.

As you make use of this strategy you will develop “confidence” in your ability to handle large work-loads. You won’t get worried or stressed about being busy because you’ll know from experience that you can handle it. This should also help you accept that stress does not help when you’re busy, and it should start to subside. That should be the state of mind you’re going for, to finally be able to relax even while you’re super busy.

Stress has become a major concern among humanity and society. With all the pressures from our duties and responsibilities and obligations and goals and ambitions, people can often find themselves overwhelmed. Stress can lead to some serious health problems if not managed effectively. Regardless of what our mental health condition is I think we all need some sort of method to manage our own stress.

There are many activities to do and lifestyle changes you can make to relieve stress such as:

• Eat a healthy diet
• Get adequate sleep
• Exercise
• Meditate
• Take walks in nature
• Listen to calming music

These are all great ways to reduce or relieve stress. However, some of them might be potentially problematic if you’re dealing with really overwhelming, chronic stress. Getting adequate sleep should help you relieve stress, but it’s probably your stress that’s causing your lack of sleep in the first place. Exercising might help you relieve stress, but your lack of sleep makes you too tired and weak to exercise. You’re just stuck in a vicious cycle of being stressed, lacking sleep, and being tired and not exercising.

That’s why I believe in taking a strict psychological approach to managing stress that gets straight to the root of it. Stress starts in the mind. Therefore, stress management should also start in the mind. To manage stress we have to do some work on our psychology. Then we can get adequate sleep, and then start exercising. But first there’s an analogy that we need to understand in order to get started:

A person under stress is very similar to a structure, such as a bridge or a building or a beam or column or truss. When external loads are applied to a structure, they become carried within the structure in the form of internal stresses.

As people living in our modern society there are various “pressures” acting on us from various aspects of our lives. Those pressures then induce stress within our mind, just like external loads on a structure will induce stress within the structure. It is how we respond with those external pressures that determines how stressed out we are inside.

Now I would like to share with you my method for managing stress. It’s fairly detailed and involves analyzing all the pressures acting on us and changing the way we respond to each one. This is what I use to manage my own stress and it has worked fairly well for me. It’s helped me overcome some of my own anxieties and learn to relax.

Without further ado here is my method for managing stress.

Identifying the Pressures

Before we can really do anything effective to manage our stress we first have to determine what exactly is stressing us out. We have to become fully aware of all the triggers of our stress, which are typically just certain pressures acting on us. A lot of these pressures will act on a subconscious level and we may not be fully aware of them. We can easily find ourselves in an uptight state of stress and tension and have no idea why. If you suddenly find yourself stressed out for no apparent reason, then your first step is to ask yourself “Why am I stressed?”

Analogy

Imagine you’re a parent and you are taking your kids out shopping with you at a retail or grocery store. You’re pushing a large shopping cart that is already filled with items that you need. Whenever you turn away from the cart, your kids are placing random items in the cart that they want you to buy. Basically, the kids are misbehaving and grabbing toys and junk food and placing them in the cart when you’re not looking.

As you come back to the cart, you realize it has gotten heavier and you have to exert more energy to push it. It’s placing a lot of stress on your legs and back. The kids here represent your subconscious constantly trying to put pressures on you without you even realizing it. The items in the cart represent the pressures acting on you or the triggers of your stress.

Just like those kids are loading the cart while you’re not looking, your subconscious is constantly putting pressures on you without your awareness. Just like those kids are placing items in the cart that you don’t need, your subconscious is making you worry and stress about things that maybe you don’t need to worry about.

To solve this problem you would have to carefully go through the cart and find all the extra items and take them out. Then you would have to keep a closer eye on your kids and force them to behave. That’s the idea here. We have to become more aware of how the subconscious puts pressures on us before we can gain control over it.

Self-Observation

Whenever you find yourself in a state of stress and tension, you have to immediately ask yourself “Why am I stressed?” And you really have to figure out what is causing your stress, what is triggering your stress. You have to pinpoint the trigger of your anxiety.

Sometimes when you’re really busy and overwhelmed with life you might not be able to determine the actual triggers of your stress right away. Therefore, it’s going to take some self-observation and reflection to figure out what exactly is stressing you out. You have to identify all the pressures acting on you and pin-point which ones are causing you the most stress.

Get out a pencil and some paper and start brainstorming. Write down everything that’s been on your mind lately and everything that’s going on in your life.

Think of anything and everything that could be putting pressure on you. Think of all your duties and responsibilities and obligations. If you’re a student think of everything you’re facing at school such as assignments, exams, peer-pressure, etc. If you’re working, think of any changes happening with your job. Maybe you’re taking on new duties or taking on complex projects. Think of your relationships with your family and friends and significant other. Think of your own personal goals and dreams and ambitions, as well as the expectations that other people have of you.

After you’ve got everything written down, start to slowly read through it all. Observe your thoughts and feelings as you’re reading through your notes. Try to see what circumstances of your life happen to stress you out the most when you think about them. That should help determine the worst pressures acting on you, which are causing you the most stress. Then they won’t be able to act on a subconscious level and continue to manipulate you without your awareness.

Now that you’ve pin-pointed the actual triggers of your anxiety, you have a couple of options to deal with them. The first option I like to call “Removing the Load“.

Removing the Load

Remember that a person under stress is a lot like a structure. When external loads are applied to a structure, those loads are carried within the structure as internal stresses. However, when those external loads are removed, then the internal stresses are also removed.

When a car drives over a bridge, the weight of the car will induce stress within the structure of the bridge.

But when the car drives off, the stresses in the bridge disappear.

In the winter when there’s snow piled on the roof of a house, the weight of the snow will induce stress within the roof framing system. But in the spring when the snow melts and drains, the stress in the roof system will disappear.

The same idea can be applied to a person undergoing stress in their mind. If they remove the external “loads” or “pressures” acting on them, then the stress within their mind will disappear.

Once you think you’ve discovered all the pressures acting on you, you’ll want to evaluate how “important” these worries or concerns really are. You have to carefully question whether these things are truly worth stressing about. Ideally you will conclude that the problem isn’t worth worrying about. At that point you’ll have released yourself from the pressure or “taken the load off your shoulders” and subsequently eliminated the stress inside of you.

A lot of the things we worry about are often superficial or unnecessary or unimportant and just a waste of our time and energy. These are things like:

• Comparing yourself to other people.
• Trying to please people and fit in with people.
• Worrying about what others think.
• Living up to other people’s standards and expectations.
• Trying to impress people.
• Trying to reach unrealistic goals.

These things usually happen on a subconscious level and you might not even realize it. If you find yourself identifying with any of these types of pressures and it’s keeping you in a state of stress, then you probably better just “take the pressure off.” It’s almost like you’re emptying your pockets of unneeded heavy items that are weighing you down. To better explain this concept, here are a few examples:

Example 1

You’re a recent college graduate and you’ve been job hunting for a while. You haven’t been getting much luck with your job hunt and it’s stressing you out. What you need to ask yourself is “Why am I in such a rush to find a job so desperately?” Then you can identify all the pressures acting on you to find a job. For example you might discover:

• You’re jealous because all your classmates from college have found work already, and that is making you feel “behind.”
• You want to show off your accomplishments and achievements on social media. A new career would make your work-status look great on Facebook.
• Maybe you have a toxic family member, such as a cousin who is always gossiping and bragging and showing off. You want this new career to “get even” with them and give you something to brag about.
• There’s pressure acting on you from your parents to start this new career. Perhaps both of your parents were doctors and they expect you to do the same. You feel a need to make your parents proud.
• You are several thousand dollars in debt from student loans and need a source of income to pay them off.

Now you would have to carefully evaluate how important these problems really are. I think we can all agree that most of these are fairly unimportant and unnecessary:

• You don’t need to be comparing yourself to your classmates. The fact that they’ve found work doesn’t make your situation any different. Take the pressure off.
• You don’t need to be showing off your accomplishments on social media. That’s just an indicator that you care too much what other people think. Take the pressure off.
• You don’t need to be competing with an obnoxious family member. If they want to gossip and brag then that is their choice. You don’t have to sink to their level. Take the pressure off.
• Even your own parents shouldn’t be pressuring you into this. This is your life, not your parent’s. What you choose to do for a living is all up to you. Take the pressure off.
• It’s important that you start paying off your students loans as soon as you have to. But you could always consider getting a part-time job to pay them off, while you continue job-hunting for your career.

After taking the time to do this you should feel a lot less stressed about your job-hunting situation. You just removed a ton of pressure that was acting on you to find a job. You may still want to have a career, but you are no longer in such a desperate rush to get started. Now you can actually relax.

Example 2

As young children get older into their pre-teen years they start getting exposed to peer-pressure. They might feel the need to be approved or accepted and “fit-in” with all the other kids. This type of pressure might induce anxiety and stress in their mind.

However, let’s say they come to their senses and realize that being popular isn’t so important and just having a few good friends is all that matters. Then they would release themselves from peer-pressure and the stress within them would disappear.

Example 3

You’re a fairly young adult who’s been working for several years since graduating from college. You dream of having an early retirement. You’ve made it your goal to retire at 35 years old.

However, you’ve been finding it hard to save money on a consistent, regular basis. After all your expenses are paid each month you only have a few hundred bucks left to save and invest. It’s stressing you out that you’re barely able to save any money and your being held back from your dream.

You’re going to have to evaluate the importance of this goal or this “pressure”. Ask yourself what is more important to you: reaching this difficult and unlikely goal or taking care of your mental health?

You’re probably better just taking this unnecessary pressure off and removing the stress from your mind. I know I would rather relax and accept that I may not be able to fulfill all my dreams than to warp my mind with anxiety trying to reach them.

Example 4

You’re extremely anxious about taking your final drivers test for the last level of your driving licence. You feel so overwhelmed and nervous and stressed out about it. In order to identify all the pressures associated with this you need to ask yourself “Why am I so anxious about this?” Let’s say after you spent some time self-observing you discover this:

• You want to show off your driving skills in order to impress the instructor and avoid “screwing up” or making a fool of yourself in front of them.
• There’s pressure from the test itself. You just want to pass the test.
• You obviously want to avoid getting into any accidents in order to prevent any injuries or fatalities on the road.

After identifying the pressures you have to evaluate their importance:

• You don’t need to care what the instructor thinks of you. They might seem intimidating but they’re usually just cranky or impatient, and that doesn’t have anything to do with you. You’re probably never going to see them again anyways. Take the pressure off.
• It’s not a big deal to fail a driver’s test. In fact it’s very common to fail a driver’s test. You can always just take the test again. Just spend more time practicing and preparing for the next time. Take the pressure off.
• The safety of everyone on the roads should be of paramount concern. This is the only pressure that you can’t really take off.

After making those evaluations you should feel a little less anxious about the driver’s test by taking a few of those pressures off. Now you can focus on the one concern that really matters in this situation, the safety of everyone on the roads. That brings us to the next strategy or technique, which I call “Strengthening the Structure“.

Strengthening the Structure

Another way to reduce the stress in a structure is too actually strengthen the structure. If you can’t remove the load then you have to reduce the stress within it by actually Strengthening the Structure.

Let’s say you’re sizing a wood beam in a house to carry some floor joists and a wall and some roof trusses. You start by analyzing a 2-ply 2×10, and it is way too over stressed. You can add an extra ply to make it a 3-ply 2×10. Or you can use a larger size such as a 2×12. It’s still carrying the same load, but it’s a stronger beam. This will reduce the stress within it.

It’s the same idea with how we deal with the pressures that induce stresses in our mind. There are some problems in our lives that are so important that we can’t just “take the pressure off.” These are usually certain duties or responsibilities that we have to face at some point.

We need to build up a sense of “confidence” in our ability to handle these problems. This then reduces the stress within our minds, like strengthening a structure.

Example:

Let’s go back to our driving scenario. If you’re a teenager and you are stressed out about learning to drive, there’s a lot of pressure acting on you there. You now have your own safety as well as the safety of everyone else on the road in your hands. That is a really important responsibility, where you can’t just “take the pressure off.”

You need to build up a sense of confidence in your ability to handle this pressure. Start by thoroughly learning the rules of the road and memorize them. Practice operating a vehicle until you can control it effortlessly. Practice all the driving techniques including turns, lane changes, parking etc., until you got them all mastered. Follow all the rules of the road strictly and never take any stupid risks.

By doing this you would build up your confidence in your driving abilities. That should greatly reduce the stress within your mind, like strengthening a structure.

Recognizing Futile Stress

There are some situations in life that we just have very little to no control over. Sometimes there can be problems in which we only have a fixed amount of time to prepare for. After that there is nothing we can do about it. We have to recognize when we’re putting pressure on ourselves from circumstances that are beyond our control. These are like problems that are futile, hopeless, or pointless to worry about.

Example 1

You’re a college student waiting to write an exam right outside the room. There’s only 15 minutes before it starts and you’re still worrying about it. At this point you’ve done whatever you could to prepare and there’s nothing left you can do. Tell yourself that your stress or worries serve no purpose at this point.

Example 2

You’re a parent of few adult children. You continually worry about how they’re taking care of themselves. Are they eating a healthy diet? Are they driving responsibly? Are they keeping out of dark alleys?

When your children are minors you can make them eat their vegetables and look before they cross the street and wear a helmet when they ride a bike. But once they become an adult and move out, they are on their own. It’s up to them to look after themselves. There’s very little to nothing you can do to protect them. Your stress and worries serve no purpose at this point.

That’s the idea in Recognizing Futile Stress. We have to recognize when we’re stressing over things that we can’t even do anything about. We have to learn to let go of the things that we can’t control.

Letting go of Resistance

Analogy

Let’s go back to the “Shopping with Kids” analogy. Let’s assume that the kids aren’t only misbehaving because they want you to buy them stuff. They’re also getting a kick out of the stress and frustration that they are causing you. They find it amusing and entertaining to annoy you and irritate you and drive you crazy. And so they keep doing it just for fun.

Your best bet here would be to use reverse-psychology on the kids, and act like you don’t mind what they’re doing; like you don’t care and it doesn’t bother you. Encourage them to keep going, knock themselves out. In other words, “surrender and let-go” to the kids. Then the kids would get a little confused and bored and probably just stop.

Letting go of Resistance to Stress

Let’s say your stress is so bad that you’ve tried everything up to this point and you still can’t control it. You might have identified the trigger and tried to change your response to it. But your mind is just so badly warped with stress and tension that you can’t control it.

You’ve got to understand that you are essentially stressed about the uncomfortable state that you’re in, and resisting it. Your body is likely in a very discomforting state. Your head probably feels like it’s under immense tension. You might be short of breath. You might be light-headed. Because of all this discomfort, you are basically stressing about just “being stressed”, or stressing about stress itself.

This keeps you stuck in trap, or a cycle in which the stress continues to sustain itself. Your stress sustains itself by your resistance to it. If you keep feeling tormented and victimized by your stress and want it to STOP, then it will keep going.

You have to change the way you respond to this uncomfortable state. Instead of trying to resist it and wanting it to stop immediately, just surrender to it and let-go. You have to actually “not mind” it or “not care” about it, like it’s not even bothering you. This might sound kind of counter-intuitive at first, but it works. Just by thinking and feeling that you’re not bothered by the discomfort of your stress, you can start to relax your mind. The next time you find yourself overwhelmed with stress and can’t seem to control it whatsoever, try this exercise to calm yourself down:

1. Sit in a chair or lie down in bed and close your eyes. Breathe deep to fill the body with oxygen.
2. Observe or recognize the stressful state that you’re in. Become aware of how your stress is manipulating your body by describing what it’s doing and how it feels. Really pin-point where you feel the most tension, and where it’s bothering you the most. Your head probably feels like it is being pulled in multiple directions. Your sinuses might be clogged, making breathing difficult. Your throat might be sore. Try to observe and describe all the discomfort that your stress is causing you physically.
3. Surrender to the discomfort and let go of resistance to it. Try to think and feel like you’re not bothered by this state. Pretend that you don’t mind it or don’t care about it, like it’s not even bothering you. Maintain this state of relaxation in your mind until you’ve calmed down.

Conclusion

Stress is a painful emotion that keeps us in an uptight state of tension and has adverse effects on our mental and physical health. It’s caused by us reacting to all the pressures acting on us from different aspects of our lives.

If we want to effectively manage stress we should start by becoming fully aware of the pressures acting on us and pinpoint exactly what is stressing us out. Then we should evaluate the importance of these problems and recognize anything that’s just “unnecessary” and decide to stop worrying about it.

Whatever happens to be left over are important problems that we really have to deal with. Therefore we must work towards building up a sense of “confidence” in our ability to handle those problems. We also have to recognize worries that are beyond our control and learn to let them go.

As a last resort we have to recognize when we’ve gotten too caught-up in the uncomfortable state that stress causes us physically. We have to let go of resistance to it, surrender to it, and just not be bothered by it.

That is my method for managing stress. It has worked well for me in managing my own stress. I hope you find it helpful in dealing with some of your own stressful problems and you finally learn to relax.

We’ve all experienced nervousness at some point in our lives. We’re anxiously awaiting something “scary” that we have to face in the near future. If you have a problem with anxiety then you’ve probably came across many instances where you just couldn’t control your nerves. It can feel like torture, the amount of control that nervousness can have on you. It’s literally tormenting.

If you’re reading this right now then you are probably anxious about some important task or appointment or event that you have to face in the near future. Perhaps you have a big presentation for school or work tomorrow. Maybe you have a job interview coming up. Or perhaps you have an important medical operation soon, like a dental wisdom teeth extraction procedure.

Anytime you face something that you’re afraid of, you’re going to be nervous in the time leading up to it. Therefore the only way to completely eliminate nervousness is to get over all of your fears. I’m assuming you don’t have time for that right now and you just need a quick way to temporarily relieve yourself from your nervousness.

Therefore, the main focus of this article is to explain how to temporarily relieve your nervousness. The two main steps to the process I would like to teach you are to fully observe the nervous state that you’re in, and then let go of resistance to it.

Self-Observation

The first step to the process is kind of unique and different. This is something that most people don’t consider consider when it comes to relieving nervousness. And that is just simply becoming more AWARE of your nervousness.

Use the practice of self-observation to examine your nervous state and start to become more aware of it and understand how it works. As you become more aware of your nervous state, it won’t be able to continue acting on a subconscious level. Therefore, the more you observe and uncover, the less control your nervousness will have over you.

Get out a pencil and some paper and start to carefully observe yourself.

Exercise

This is your chance to really examine the state that you’re currently in. Start to really look within, fold your attention inwards. Create that split between your consciousness and subconscious, the observer and observed. Remember when you work with self-observation your consciousness is watching your subconscious.

Pretend that you’re “watching” your nervousness from a third perspective. See how your nervousness is manipulating you through your thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Ask yourself “What am I thinking? How am I feeling? What am I doing?”

Thoughts

Examine your thought process. There are probably various thoughts flying through your mind regarding this situation you’re facing. You probably find it hard to focus or concentrate on other activities because of all these thoughts. Now is your chance to become more aware of them.

Try to describe your thoughts in detail. You could be imagining “worst-case scenarios” about the situation. You could be predicting a disastrous result or outcome. Maybe you’re desperately wishing you didn’t have to go through with facing this situation and you’re just hoping for a miracle. Write all your thoughts down as if you are “pulling” them out of your head and transferring them onto that sheet of paper.

Feelings

Examine your feelings and emotions. These nervous emotions are usually really strong and powerful. You might be completely overwhelmed. Be honest with yourself and describe them as they really are. Perhaps you’re feeling nervous, anxious or even frightened and terrified. Perhaps you’re feeling sorry for yourself and pitying yourself like a poor victim.

Actions

Examine your physical actions. Start by describing your involuntary movements caused by your nervousness. Perhaps you are nervously tapping your fingers or biting your nails. You could be fidgeting with your phone or keys or small objects. Maybe you find yourself walking and pacing around your house.

Now describe your body’s instinctive reactions. Your muscles are probably tensed up and making your limbs shaky. You might be getting twitches in your head and neck. Your heart rate might be increasing and you might be short of breath. Your voice might be cracking and rising high in pitch. Your digestion might be getting sluggish.

Observe and describe everything. Try not to miss anything. Don’t let anything go unnoticed. Hopefully, you’ll find that the self-observation exercise alone has loosened the grip that your nervousness had on you as you became more aware of it.

Letting go of Resistance

After completing the self-observation exercise, you probably now understand your anxiety a little better, and feel a little more separated from it. But your nervousness likely still has a strong hold on you. The next step is to “change the way you respond” to your nervous state by letting go of resistance.

The state of being nervous is an incredibly uncomfortable and painful state to be in. With the stomach burning, heart beating fast, chest tight, limbs shaking, being short of breath, it can literally feel like torture.

Because it’s such an uncomfortable and painful state, you resist it. You want it to stop. You want it to go away. You’re essentially scared of your nervousness itself or scared of being nervous. That just keeps you stuck in a vicious cycle, where your nervousness continues to manifest itself.

The only way to break that cycle is to surrender and let-go of resistance to your nervous state. You have to essentially “sit back” and allow all your nervous symptoms to run freely, and let go of any desire to make them stop. You have to ignore all the pain and discomfort and get to the point where you are genuinely not bothered by it and don’t mind it being there.

By doing this you are demonstrating that you’re not afraid of your nervous state. Then your nervousness won’t get the “fear” that it needs to sustain itself and it will soon subside. This is going to seem very counter-intuitive and tricky at first, but by doing this you are starting to relax your mind. And your body will eventually respond to that relaxed state of mind and calm your nerves.

Exercise

1. Lie down in bed or sit in a chair. Breathe slow and deep to fill the body with oxygen and slow down the heart rate. Close your eyes to limit your distractions, and start to fold your attention inwards.
2. Observe this uncomfortable state that you’re in and remind yourself of how your nervousness is manipulating your body. Pay particularly close attention to everything that is bothering you, such as your stomach burning, heart beating fast, being short of breath, light-headed, muscles tight, limbs shaking, etc. Now prepare to let go of resistance to all of those symptoms.
3. Lay back, chill-out, and just surrender and let-go of resistance to your nervousness. Allow all your nervous symptoms to run freely and drop any desire to make them stop. Try to take your attention off all the forms of discomfort like they are not even bothering you. Get to the point where you genuinely “don’t mind” or “don’t care” about any of it.

If you can maintain this state of no resistance and mental relaxation for at least a few minutes, your body will eventually respond to it. Your heart rate will come down, stomach will settle, muscles will relax, you can catch your breath, and the whole nervous state will subside. When you’re not scared of your nervousness itself, it loses all control over you.

This is kind of a neat skill that anyone can develop if they have the conscious will to do it. By simply choosing not to resist your nervous symptoms, you are taking away the fear that your nervousness needs to manifest itself. You can put yourself into a state of relaxation without alcohol or drugs or medication or laughing gas, but with your own conscious will.

Conclusion

By observing your nervous state and becoming fully aware of how it is operating and influencing your behavior, you can gain some control over it. Then by letting go of resistance to this unpleasant state, you are depriving your nervousness of the fear that it needs to manifest and it starts to subside.

I hope you feel a bit more relieved of your anxiety after trying these exercises. Ideally you should feel “separated” from your nervousness, like it’s loosened its grip on you.

Now you can come back and look at the problem or situation you’re facing with a completely different light. You can examine the problem for what it is and come to a proper solution, rather than acting out of nervousness and anxiety. And hopefully you can work up the courage to go through with it. Good Luck.

Fear is a very paralyzing aspect of our subconscious. Fear in many cases is something the subconscious uses to prevent us from attaining something, prevent us from going somewhere. Many people are stuck at a certain point in their lives and can’t progress any further because of fear.

In the animal kingdom as an instinct fear serves a purpose-self-preservation. If there’s a giant hairy monster with huge sharp teeth and fangs chasing us, nature says we should be afraid. But in people fear gets distorted into many complex aspects. It has many different aspects that need to be observed.

Fear has many different manifestations such as worries, stresses, anxieties, nervousness, phobias, difficulty in social situations, etc. Some people might underestimate fear by thinking “I’m a man. I’m not scared of anything”, but fear doesn’t have to literally be running away screaming. When you look further, you discover that fear is responsible for all kinds of different things in our lives.

Fears can operate on a very subconscious level. Some people can have a fear of being alone. And that could cause them to make poor relationship decisions and they won’t even realize it. Some people just worry too much what other people think. And that causes them to always try to please people, stay out of trouble, gain other people’s approval and fit in with other people.

Fear can be triggered by various other emotions. For example there are all our desires and wants and attachments. As a student you can get stressed as you’re having trouble keeping up in school because you want to get good grades. You can get stressed as you’re falling behind at work because you want to gain a promotion. You can get worried managing your finances and investments during a recession because you want to build wealth.

What is the largest fear that we all collectively share as humanity? It’s Death. What is the fear of death? It’s a form of attachment to this body and this material world. We all know this body of flesh and bone isn’t going to last. Yet the biggest fear that we have is the fear of death, and that just represents an attachment to everything around us.

Another emotion that often triggers fear is pride. If we have a particularly low self-esteem it can make us feel self-conscious and really worry about what other people think. That can manifest itself as a fear of rejection, not being accepted, afraid of how others see you etc.

Imagine going back to our teenage days. We all had somebody that we really liked and wanted to ask out, but we were always afraid. Well what was the fear that was there? It wasn’t life or death, but it was related to self-image, fear of rejection, not being accepted. This worry of “what other people think” then becomes the root cause of so many anxieties.

Anxieties are strange. You could be sitting and waiting for a job interview and you’re nervously tapping your fingers and biting your nails and your palms are sweating and your heart rate is increasing. That’s the fight or flight syndrome, where your body is acting as if it needed to fight for its life in a situation that doesn’t warrant that. Again it’s triggered by your low self-esteem making you “intimidated” by the interviewer and worried about how they will perceive you.

After death the next biggest fear among humanity is public speaking. People stress about public speaking like it’s absolutely terrifying. We can be standing on stage about to give a speech and we’re sweating, our heart rate is increasing, we’re shaking, and our body releases adrenaline. That’s the fight or flight reaction as if we needed to fight for our life, but out of place. What is so fearful about public speaking? It’s not a threat to your life. It’s not going to kill you. It’s not going to make you sick. It’s not going to cause physical pain. Why is it so feared? If you analyze it, you’ll discover it also traces back to having low self-esteem and worrying what other people think.

An off chute of fear is various phobias. People are afraid of snakes and spiders and insects and mice and rats. Most of these creatures are fairly harmless. However, something about their appearance and movement just “creep” people out. People are so disgusted and grossed out by insects and spiders and rodents that they get scared of them. As they continue identifying with that fear it continues to sustain itself and grow and develop into phobias.

Probably the most subconscious way in which fear sustains itself is through the concept of resistance. Fear is obviously a very unpleasant, unwanted, painful emotion. Nobody wants to feel fear. Therefore, on a subconscious level, we resist fear. We want it to stop. We want it to go away. We are bothered by fear. This implies that we are afraid of fear itself. And this keeps us stuck in a trap where fear continues to sustain itself. The more you resist it, the stronger it gets, the more control it exerts.

And fear for some people can be a really problematic aspect of their subconscious that holds them back in life. Many people get held back and miss out on all kinds of opportunities. It prevents them from reaching their full potential because they don’t know how to deal with it.

We have to use self-observation to see how fear manifests in our lives and spend more time letting go of resistance to it. As we go through our day-to-day activities working with self-observation, try to spot as many different aspects of fear that you can. Try to see how fear influences your decisions, what you think, say and do. Watch for manifestations in your dreams as well. When things get out of control, focus on surrendering and letting go. The more you observe and uncover, and the less you resist, the more you will free yourself from the control that fear exerts.