We’ve all experienced nervousness at some point in our lives. We’re anxiously awaiting something “scary” that we have to face in the near future. If you have a problem with anxiety then you’ve probably came across many instances where you just couldn’t control your nerves. It can feel like torture, the amount of control that nervousness can have on you. It’s literally tormenting.
If you’re reading this right now then you are probably anxious about some important task or appointment or event that you have to face in the near future. Perhaps you have a big presentation for school or work tomorrow. Maybe you have a job interview coming up. Or perhaps you have an important medical operation soon, like a dental wisdom teeth extraction procedure.
Anytime you face something that you’re afraid of, you’re going to be nervous in the time leading up to it. Therefore the only way to completely eliminate nervousness is to get over all of your fears. I’m assuming you don’t have time for that right now and you just need a quick way to temporarily relieve yourself from your nervousness.
Therefore, the main focus of this article is to explain how to temporarily relieve your nervousness. The two main steps to the process I would like to teach you are to fully observe the nervous state that you’re in, and then let go of resistance to it.
Self-Observation
The first step to the process is kind of unique and different. This is something that most people don’t consider consider when it comes to relieving nervousness. And that is just simply becoming more AWARE of your nervousness.
Use the practice of self-observation to examine your nervous state and start to become more aware of it and understand how it works. As you become more aware of your nervous state, it won’t be able to continue acting on a subconscious level. Therefore, the more you observe and uncover, the less control your nervousness will have over you.
Get out a pencil and some paper and start to carefully observe yourself.
Exercise
This is your chance to really examine the state that you’re currently in. Start to really look within, fold your attention inwards. Create that split between your consciousness and subconscious, the observer and observed. Remember when you work with self-observation your consciousness is watching your subconscious.
Pretend that you’re “watching” your nervousness from a third perspective. See how your nervousness is manipulating you through your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Ask yourself “What am I thinking? How am I feeling? What am I doing?”
Thoughts
Examine your thought process. There are probably various thoughts flying through your mind regarding this situation you’re facing. You probably find it hard to focus or concentrate on other activities because of all these thoughts. Now is your chance to become more aware of them.
Try to describe your thoughts in detail. You could be imagining “worst-case scenarios” about the situation. You could be predicting a disastrous result or outcome. Maybe you’re desperately wishing you didn’t have to go through with facing this situation and you’re just hoping for a miracle. Write all your thoughts down as if you are “pulling” them out of your head and transferring them onto that sheet of paper.
Feelings
Examine your feelings and emotions. These nervous emotions are usually really strong and powerful. You might be completely overwhelmed. Be honest with yourself and describe them as they really are. Perhaps you’re feeling nervous, anxious or even frightened and terrified. Perhaps you’re feeling sorry for yourself and pitying yourself like a poor victim.
Actions
Examine your physical actions. Start by describing your involuntary movements caused by your nervousness. Perhaps you are nervously tapping your fingers or biting your nails. You could be fidgeting with your phone or keys or small objects. Maybe you find yourself walking and pacing around your house.
Now describe your body’s instinctive reactions. Your muscles are probably tensed up and making your limbs shaky. You might be getting twitches in your head and neck. Your heart rate might be increasing and you might be short of breath. Your voice might be cracking and rising high in pitch. Your digestion might be getting sluggish.
Observe and describe everything. Try not to miss anything. Don’t let anything go unnoticed. Hopefully, you’ll find that the self-observation exercise alone has loosened the grip that your nervousness had on you as you became more aware of it.
Letting go of Resistance
After completing the self-observation exercise, you probably now understand your anxiety a little better, and feel a little more separated from it. But your nervousness likely still has a strong hold on you. The next step is to “change the way you respond” to your nervous state by letting go of resistance.
The state of being nervous is an incredibly uncomfortable and painful state to be in. With the stomach burning, heart beating fast, chest tight, limbs shaking, being short of breath, it can literally feel like torture.
Because it’s such an uncomfortable and painful state, you resist it. You want it to stop. You want it to go away. You’re essentially scared of your nervousness itself or scared of being nervous. That just keeps you stuck in a vicious cycle, where your nervousness continues to manifest itself.
The only way to break that cycle is to surrender and let-go of resistance to your nervous state. You have to essentially “sit back” and allow all your nervous symptoms to run freely, and let go of any desire to make them stop. You have to ignore all the pain and discomfort and get to the point where you are genuinely not bothered by it and don’t mind it being there.
By doing this you are demonstrating that you’re not afraid of your nervous state. Then your nervousness won’t get the “fear” that it needs to sustain itself and it will soon subside. This is going to seem very counter-intuitive and tricky at first, but by doing this you are starting to relax your mind. And your body will eventually respond to that relaxed state of mind and calm your nerves.
Exercise
- Lie down in bed or sit in a chair. Breathe slow and deep to fill the body with oxygen and slow down the heart rate. Close your eyes to limit your distractions, and start to fold your attention inwards.
- Observe this uncomfortable state that you’re in and remind yourself of how your nervousness is manipulating your body. Pay particularly close attention to everything that is bothering you, such as your stomach burning, heart beating fast, being short of breath, light-headed, muscles tight, limbs shaking, etc. Now prepare to let go of resistance to all of those symptoms.
- Lay back, chill-out, and just surrender and let-go of resistance to your nervousness. Allow all your nervous symptoms to run freely and drop any desire to make them stop. Try to take your attention off all the forms of discomfort like they are not even bothering you. Get to the point where you genuinely “don’t mind” or “don’t care” about any of it.
If you can maintain this state of no resistance and mental relaxation for at least a few minutes, your body will eventually respond to it. Your heart rate will come down, stomach will settle, muscles will relax, you can catch your breath, and the whole nervous state will subside. When you’re not scared of your nervousness itself, it loses all control over you.
This is kind of a neat skill that anyone can develop if they have the conscious will to do it. By simply choosing not to resist your nervous symptoms, you are taking away the fear that your nervousness needs to manifest itself. You can put yourself into a state of relaxation without alcohol or drugs or medication or laughing gas, but with your own conscious will.
Conclusion
By observing your nervous state and becoming fully aware of how it is operating and influencing your behavior, you can gain some control over it. Then by letting go of resistance to this unpleasant state, you are depriving your nervousness of the fear that it needs to manifest and it starts to subside.
I hope you feel a bit more relieved of your anxiety after trying these exercises. Ideally you should feel “separated” from your nervousness, like it’s loosened its grip on you.
Now you can come back and look at the problem or situation you’re facing with a completely different light. You can examine the problem for what it is and come to a proper solution, rather than acting out of nervousness and anxiety. And hopefully you can work up the courage to go through with it. Good Luck.