We tend to think we’re in control, but we’re actually under the illusion of control, we’re really a victim of circumstance. We’re like a small ship tossed about on the stormy waters of the ocean. We simply go where the wind and the waves take us.
If we can imagine ourselves as a marionette or puppet, we have 3 strings coming off of us to the puppet master. Our subconscious is the puppet master and those strings are our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Our thoughts, feelings and actions are the way our subconscious can interact, control, and influence us. It’s our subconscious that we’re dancing to and how our subconscious controls us is through our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Thoughts
Our thought process is useful because it is needed for the activities of the day, to communicate, plan, to do our work, etc. We use the thought process all the time and it is a very necessary thing. If we have an idea or are planning something we’re using our thought process. Thoughts drive daily activities and the overall scheme of one’s life.
We have 30 to 40 thousand thoughts a day, so our thought process is very busy. As useful as it is, it becomes something we have very little control over (we already experienced that if we’ve ever tried meditating and discovered how hard it is to stop and slow this process down) it becomes so overused and so overactive that it ends up becoming a distraction.
And it’s one of the reasons why we find our consciousness asleep, because we can’t really focus in the moment, because of all these thoughts being generated. It becomes a giant distraction and compels us to live with our consciousness asleep, trapped in a continual daydream.
Emotions
Emotions have an enormous control over us, overriding thought on occasion. We might think of our thought process as the most powerful, but we’ll discover that it’s actually the slowest. Our emotions are a lot more powerful, and we don’t give it a lot of attention to what goes on.
For example, there’s getting angry and lashing out at someone. That’s a really powerful emotion, and when we find ourselves under anger it easily overrides thought. It makes us do things we’re embarrassed or ashamed of, and make us say things to hurt those around us. We’ve all done silly things out of anger that we’ve later regretted. We’ve looked back on it once the emotion was gone and thought “oh no, what did I do, why did I do that? That was silly. I shouldn’t have done that.” But at the time the intellect is nowhere in that process because the anger had taken over and it was pure emotion that was calling the shots.
Thoughts come and go, but emotions can last much longer. A strong emotion like anger or depression or fear is like a really big elephant sitting in a living room. Once it walks in and sits down, there’s no way you’re going to move that thing easily. Thoughts can be seen as little butterflies or hummingbirds that just zip around all over the place. Thoughts come and go fairly quickly, but emotions last much longer. When an emotion settles in with us, it’s hard to move if it’s a strong one.
A lot of the things we feel throughout the day can actually come from external sources. They come from movies and television and sports and video games and music. As humans we find ourselves almost “addicted” to emotions by engaging in “entertaining” activities such as watching TV, movies, watching sports, playing video games, listening to modern music, etc. For example:
- As we’re watching a movie and we’re getting caught up in the action and drama we’re identifying with our emotions. People sitting around watching movies identifying with the actors and crying along with them are giving into their emotions.
- Video-gamers who enjoy all the explosions and gunfire and get caught up in the violence from video games are identifying with emotions.
- People who watch sports events and get caught up in the drama, getting angry, yelling and screaming, are identifying with their emotions. People who get into boxing, and MMA, and hockey because they like to watch the fights and the violence are identifying with their emotions.
Activities like watching TV and movies and sports, and playing video games and listening to music are so popular in our society because they artificially stimulate our emotions. Why would you cry over a movie? It’s not real. They’re actors. Of course we all know this, but we still want to experience that. Why would you be afraid of a horror movie? It’s on a television screen. It’s not real, but the fear is still there. It’s because certain aspects of our psychology want to “feed” themselves. We like doing all these activities because they artificially stimulate our emotions, which allow aspects of our subconscious to manifest and sustain themselves.
Actions & Instincts
Our actions are faster than our thought process, but slower than our emotions. Think of a typist or musician. Their hands move on their own, but when they stop and think is when they make a mistake. Someone who is proficient at typing won’t have to think of where their fingers are going. It’s when they stop and think about what they are going to do next is when they slow down and make a mistake. If you try to put the intellect in its place and think “what’s the next step?” it will slow the process down. You won’t be able to be as dexterous as you’d be if you just let your actions do their thing.
The whole purpose of practicing is training your body to perform certain “actions”. Any physical skill or athletic ability from playing an instrument to typing on a keyboard to skating or skate-boarding to riding a bike to driving a car, to playing sports or learning martial arts or dancing, is a result of training the body to perform certain actions.
We all have physical habits that we have to study through self-observation. There are so many things we do that we’re not fully aware of. Most of us aren’t aware of the habits which condition our lives. There are all kinds of different routines and habits that we have. For example:
- Every day when we get ready in the morning we probably do the same routine, go downstairs, put the coffee maker on, go in the shower, wash your body the same way, grab the soap with the same hand.
- While driving if you have your mind occupied you reach your destination and you realize “I’m already here and I don’t remember a good portion of this drive.” That’s how a lot of accidents happen. We drive the same route to work every day, make the same turns, we stop at the same intersections, to the point that we don’t even have to be there anymore. Our mind can be somewhere else while we let our “trained actions” take care of the drive for us.
We have all these routine habits that we do over and over again. Because so much our life is routine and mechanical, that’s one of those things that allow us not to be in the present moment. These repetitive, mechanical actions that we have allow us to remain with our consciousness asleep for most of the day. We don’t have to be aware in that shower because it’s routine. We can be worrying about work or thinking about the weekend while we get ready in the morning.
Sometimes we go into “robot mode”, and it’s not until when something out of the ordinary happens that we realize we’re not really aware. We all know when we’re not paying attention with awareness in a vehicle, that’s when we get into car accidents. If we’re walking down the street and not paying attention we could walk into somebody or trip on the sidewalk or walk into a telephone poll or something. It’s not until that happens that we realize that we’re oblivious to our surroundings, trapped inside our own mind.
We must observe the way we act, dress, walk and pay attention to some of these patterns. When we get ready in the morning and have a shower, we should actually be there having a shower experiencing the present moment, developing that consciousness. We should not be lost in a routine where we daydream, worry, plan, etc. Rather than being in a car driving and not paying attention, be actually observing what it is that we’re doing. If everybody who drives practiced self-observation we’d have a lot less car accidents and injuries and fatalities on the road.
We should start observing our movements when experiencing certain emotions. Notice they differ from when we’re excited, depressed, angry, or fearful. For example, biting nails, wringing hands, tapping fingers are the actions we have when we’re nervous.
In addition to our movements that are learned with practice (walking, riding a bike, sports), we also have instinctive actions. These are movements and motions that we don’t have to learn. They are given for basic survival virtually from birth. These include our reflexes and they are incredibly fast. We’re not even aware of a lot of these things.
If you’re about to fall, your hands automatically come out in front of your face. You don’t have to stop and think about that. A loud sound behind us makes us jump. Something falls and reaching out to grab it. These are instincts. We can appreciate how fast these are because we don’t even know it’s happened until it’s over.
We have various instincts as we are technically animals. There’s a lot programmed into us-survival, self-preservation etc. When an animal is hungry it will seek out food to feed itself. When an animal is thirsty it will seek out water. An animal will always act to defend itself from attackers. An animal will always act to defend its young. An animal will always go out at some point to procreate and continue the species. These are things that we share with the animal kingdom.
The problem is because of our intellect and free will as humans, our instincts get “perverted” or “corrupted” in a sense. A lot of the psychological problems that we have actually trace back to these various instincts. For example:
- When we overdo the “fight or flight” instinct we now get aggression and violent behavior, as well as various fears and phobias and anxieties.
- When we overdo the instinct to procreate the species, we get lust, pornography, prostitution, etc.
- When we overdo the instinct to feed ourselves we get into gluttony and forms of addition like alcohol, drugs, etc.
So a lot of the characteristics that we find in our humanity relate back to corruptions or perversions of our animal instincts. Because we have free will, we’re able to take these instincts to various extremes.
The Whole Package
We must not allow our life to continue to unfold mechanically! If we really want to see a positive change in our life, then we have to break some of the routines that we have. We really have to look at the whole process of being human as very mechanical.
Our thoughts are very mechanical. We have the same thoughts at the same points in response to the same circumstances. Our emotions are in many situations are mechanical. If someone insults you, then you get offended. If someone compliments you, you feel happy. Our physical activities are very mechanical. Think of everything we do from when we get up to when we go to bed. It’s just one giant routine after another. We’re like a train going around and around on the same set of tracks.
What we’ll eventually notice when we work with self-observation is that these thoughts that we have are related to the emotions that we have and are related to the actions that we have. It’s like a package.
We have to study our subconscious in our thoughts, feelings, and actions and instincts, the whole package. We have to observe everything that’s happening in each of these and how they’re influencing everything we’re doing. Self-observation refers to the whole picture. In any difficult situation you find yourself if in, check in with your thoughts, feelings, and actions. What are the thoughts related to this situation? What does it do to you emotionally? What does it cause you to do physically?
Many times you’ll find there’s a relationship here. You’ll be thinking certain thoughts, which will trigger certain emotions, which will produce certain actions. You’ll also find each of these has a complicated set of triggers and reactions, which are mechanical. Many thoughts, feelings, and actions that we have are simply a reaction to a circumstance. It’s like a mathematical formula, A + B = C. Part of self-observation is discovering that equation, observing the reaction, and seeing all the things that we put into place to create that reaction.
People typically overuse one of these 3 effects more than the others. The way you can look at this is: the thinkers, the feelers, and the doers. Odds are you belong to one of those 3 categories. The intellectuals are the thinkers, the academics. These are people that enjoy reading, learning, and taking courses. The emotional people are the feelers, the sensitive artists. These are people that enjoy watching a good movie, listening to music, going out to museums and art galleries. Then there are the doers, people that love physical activity. They like sports and fitness.
If you’re trying to figure out which category you belong to, ask yourself when something bad happens to you in your life, what do you do? Do you think about it and try to figure out how to get out of it? Would you throw something or punch a hole in the wall or go out for a jog? Or are you the person to lock yourself in a dark room, put on some sad music and cry about it for a while? As funny as that sounds, that’s really what a lot of humanity breaks down into, the thinkers, the feelers, and the doers.
We should try to balance the way our subconscious acts through us. We should try to avoid overusing any one of those 3 things. Once we figured out which one we’re overusing, we should make an effort to balance our use of thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Controlling Negative Emotions
When it comes to controlling these effects, you’ll find that your actions are the easiest to control. You just don’t do anything. The thought process is harder to control, but it is possible. Part of the process of meditation is controlling the thought process. It’s difficult at first, but with practice we can control it. Our emotions are the difficult one to control. Negative emotions and feelings like anger and anxiety and depression are really hard to control. That’s the really big elephant in the room that comes in and sits down, and you can’t move it easily.
Elephant Analogy
Here’s a story that leads to a tip on how to control some of these negative emotions. In the Hindu culture elephants were important. When elephant handlers came across an elephant that was difficult to control, they would place it in between 2 well-behaved “good” elephants. The “crazy elephant” would then start to do as it was told and behave.
In this story is a trick in which we can work with our negative emotions. We have to control our emotions with our thought process and our actions. We have to put our “crazy elephant” in between our two “well behaved elephants”. Our emotions are what we have hardly any control over. Our actions are easy to control. Our thoughts can be controlled with some work. So by understanding how to control our thoughts and actions, it can lead to controlling our emotions.
If we find ourselves identifying with negative emotions like anger, depression, or fear, we should lie down in bed or a chair, relax and make our mind go blank, i.e. meditate. Usually we have movements that accompany our negative emotional states. By lying down and relaxing we’re taking those movements away. We also have various thoughts associated with that negative emotion. Making the mind go blank then controls the thought process. The end result of those 2 is to cause the emotion to calm down as well.
Bully Analogy
After you’ve used the elephant analogy to “take away” your thoughts and actions there’s one more thing you can do to speed up the process in controlling the emotion. That is Letting go of Resistance.
Imagine that this negative emotion is like a bully. What does a typical school bully want to get out of his victims? Usually it’s some sort of reaction. By getting a reaction out of you, they know that they’re bothering you, tormenting you, and making your life miserable.
- They could be threatening you in order to intimidate and scare you and get you to break down and cry.
- They could be insulting you to tick you off and provoke you into starting a fight.
- They could be making fun of you or mocking you to hurt your self-esteem and make you feel insecure.
The bully gets his satisfaction by making you miserable, and so he’s going to keep on bothering you as long as you keep reacting to him. In other words, as long as you continue to show that you’re bothered by his behavior and want him to STOP, he will keep on going.
So what’s the solution here? You have to fully “surrender” to the bully. By this I don’t mean continue reacting like a victim. I mean show that you’re not bothered by his behavior, and you don’t want him to stop. Keep a straight face and don’t react to anything the bully says. Allow all of his mockery to “roll” off you like nothing. Allow the bully to keep carrying on and just knock himself out.
Eventually, the bully will tire himself out, as he’s not getting anything out of you. Therefore, he’ll probably get bored of you and give up.
It’s a very similar idea with your emotions. A lot of these negative emotions sustain themselves by your resistance to them. As long as you feel tormented, victimized, or “bothered” by these emotions and want them to STOP, they will keep going.
But when you fully surrender and let-go of resistance to the emotion, then it starts to lose its control over you. It’s like you are just sitting back and allowing the emotion to do whatever it wants to do, while you just “don’t care” about it; like you’re not bothered by it, and don’t mind it being there.
By doing this you are taking away the resistance that the emotion needs to sustain itself. Once you get this concept and start working with it, you’ll be well on your way to overcoming some of your worst emotions.
Putting it Together
After understanding these two processes you can put them together into a nice practice for the intent of controlling a strong negative emotion. Next time you find yourself overpowered by a strong negative emotion, try this exercise to calm yourself down:
- Lie down in bed or sit in a chair, and get comfortable. You want to take away all the movements associated with this negative emotion that your dealing with.
- Make the mind go blank, or meditate. You want to take away all the thoughts that are associated with this negative emotion.
- Lay back and fully surrender to the emotion. Just allow the emotion to do whatever it wants to do and “don’t care” about it. You want to let go of all resistance that you have to this emotion.
Lying down and meditating allows you to come back and look at the problem or situation with a completely different light, which allows you to reach a lot more of a faster solution. By simply lying down, blanking the mind, and letting go of resistance, that’s enough to slow down your emotions. Then you can stay in the present moment and really examine the problem or situation for what it is and come to a proper solution, rather than acting out of anger or fear or depression.